Small Hands, Big Ideas

Recently, a friend and I were discussing common courtesy and etiquette in terms of meetings, coffee dates, lunches, etc. She is was avidly on the hunt for a job. She lamented that through the stressful process of job hunting she has been stood up, emails not returned and sometimes, silence, just crickets.

It’s up and down and no doubt, frustrating. She’s smart. She knows that people get busy, but isn’t there a common courtesy to let someone know you’re going to miss your meeting, you’re busy but promise to get back to them within a few weeks when things settle down or rather, be upfront and say you simply can’t meet with them. I would rather the truth than silence and wonderment.

I’ve been stood up before when someone e-mailed me to meet and ask for my advice (more than once), so I lamented with my friend.

This one story however, is a positive one that I want to share:

I frequently meet with friends, professional contacts and friends of friends – you know, the network. This summer, as I’ve really settled into my life here and feel I have a community and a network, I have found myself being e-mailed and put in contact more than ever to “meet.”

These meetings are a mixture of, “help me,” “I need some advice,” “I would love to meet you,” or “How do you blog?” I usually opt for an early coffee meeting, before I start my full-time job and occasionally a more intimate with lunch and/or drinks.

As I was thinking about the common courtesy in meeting with people a friend of a friend asked to meet for coffee. I obliged happily. We’ve interacted before and she is close friends with many of my close friends (yet, we hadn’t spent time together one-on-one). We met for coffee and collaborated on learning more about her recent online startup -ideas flowed to me, I had fun and the hour flew by.

After I felt energized from our interesting conversation and excited to put her in touch with some people in my network that should be able to help her, I was sitting at my desk working when a beautiful vase of flowers were delivered to me.

I gaped, wide-eyed.

I opened the card and it just said, “Thank you for the ideas!” They were from her.

Such a simple gesture, but it meant so much to me and literally brightened my day. Although she didn’t need to do anything to make our chat/meeting worth my while, she definitely went above and beyond as a gracious person who also said, if she can ever help me, (her network, her ideas) she would. Just say the word. I know she’s telling the truth.

It’s mutually beneficial. Sometimes we help each other, sometimes you’re helped and I feel like both should happen. I have to be careful of how much time and energy I’m devoting away from my projects, my sleep, my time (without detracting from what I’m focusing on and doing full-time) so I can’t even always say “yes” although I strive to. BUT – I do know that creative interactions, gracious thanking, a new friend made and a beautiful bouquet of flowers for me to look at while I work, are worth it.

What about you? Do you find a positive interaction from people willing to help you? Or are they rude? How do you balance – as the e-mailer or the one doing the helping and meeting?

Happy Friday friends. Check out the latest I perused this week and enjoyed:

• Eye Weekly: Welcome To Your Quarterlife Crisis (I know, I know we hear about this written all the time – but this one is written as a story and I guarantee many can relate to the male 20-something and/or female 20-something);
• Ramen Noodles, Rent and Resumes: My First Job Series (Kristen is interviewing a group of people asking a series of questions about their first job out of college and what they experienced, very interesting);
• Cool Material: If Historical Events had Facebook Statuses
  

Finally, this last post is really beautiful and it’s written from a man’s point-of-view. I really got something out of it. What do you think?

Arjuna Ardagh (Huffington Post author): Why It Is Wise to Worship a Woman

Hope you find a reason, or many reasons, to laugh throughout this weekend!

Recently my mother (and Lynn, her close friend who ventured out here with her for the Boulder road-trip) were in town. My mother is actively involved in my life and tries to visit me  frequently throughout the year – thus, she knows many of my close friends (pictures are here).

One particular evening, I invited my girlfriends over for dinner. My mom cooked, while we all chopped, plated and then supplied the wine, bubbly and dessert.

After a delicious dinner, all of the ladies were sitting around talking about what usually comes up when women gather: relationships, (past and present), love and the inevitable, loss.

In the middle of a depth-filled conversation, I sat back and began to marvel at the way women interact. There wasn’t any holding back even when an hour ago, some of these women were strangers. Stories were spilled about broken relationships, heartache, budding relationships, dreams, realizations and fears. I watched cascading laughter, heads tilted back with glistening eyes, stories of frustration, shaking heads and then nodding in silent agreement just because there was a sense of understanding.

We, you, I – are not alone.

Photo Credit

Fight Or Flight VS. Nurture:

My mom, a longtime life coach with most of her clients over the last twenty years being women, noted that when something goes wrong with women, we choose to be around close friends and nurture. My inquisitive girlfriend (also a psychology major as an undergrad) noted that women also lack the fight or flight mentality. Men own that mentality, women do not.

A study at UCLA suggested that women respond to stress with “a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women.” Huh, imagine that.

The hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress response for women and that actually “buffers the fight or flight responses and encourages her to tend to children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect.”

Men do not experience the same effect.

Don’t Let Your Womanly Friendships Hit the Back Burner:

Ever notice when you get really busy with your family, children, work, etc. that you see your friends less? You become overwhelmed with the immediate issues at hand and you send that e-mail or text too often than not, “Ah, it’s been so long, let’s get together soon!” Then you send it a few more times…

Dr. Josselson explains whenever we get too busy, the first thing that seems to go to the back burner is friendships with other women. In my eyes, I have to work hard to be with my girlfriends but I don’t run away from them. I literally feel as though I need them when times are rough, uncertain and I’m hurting. I don’t cower, I want to be around them.

Dr. Josselson expands, “women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that do when they’re with other women. It’s a very healing experience.”

So talk with your women. Nurture, gather and converse. It heals.

Do you find this with other women? Where you can seemingly connect, discuss life topics such as relationships and all just “get it?” I wonder, do men get together and discuss the same way at the same depth with men they just meet? My intuition, experience and bro’s tell me, not as much. What do you think?

Sidenote: This is not to exclude or chastise the men who I oh so love in my life. This is less about beating my chest, I am woman hear me roar, but more about the differences in genders and understanding such differences. Important to note

The students are coming back to Boulder (do not go into Target during this week!) and I can feel the nights are getting a little cooler. Summer is nearing an end.

I’m big on milestones and symbolism. For me, I always experience a deep sense of change (internally usually) around the season change.

Good:

• Jane Has A Job: Real Jane At Work: Interview with Caitlin McCabe, Social Media Entrepreneur (this is a great new series of interviews called “Real Jane At Work,” and Caitlin is brilliant, funny and candid)
• (Never Home) Maker: Staying Healthy While Working Full Time (Something I struggle with, but also find poignant because it’s so important to me)
• Social Pollination: Write About What You Are Learning to Keep Your Blog Fresh
• Allison McNeely: Privileged, White Women? The Worst (An interesting and well-written take and comparison on feminism due to Eat, Pray, Love)
• Harvard Business Review: 10 Reasons to Stop Apologizing For Your Online Life (This is SO true – a must read)

I guest posted this week on Doniree’s Nomadic Foodie touting my love of cheese: The Art of a Cheese Plate. Let us know what you think and what your fave cheeses are!

I met with Stephanie last week before work for an early coffee date. She’s a bright, motivated 20-year old who already, has a strong vision for her life. So impressive. She has a blog, Initiative 180, where she does something for 180 days that scares her. Apparently, meeting up with me was #31 (but turned out not-scary after actually meeting me, right Stephanie?) We even did yoga together later in the week.

Finally, this is just too rad to not share: WTF SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE? Click through, say yes or no as appropriate. (H/T to Miss Doniree).

I can’t believe it.

Two years ago, I sat alone, clicked “Create New” on Blogger and typed in a silly name to start this blog, just so my family could keep in touch and hear about my new life in Boulder. Ha!

Three days prior to creating the blog, I packed my bags, put everything I owned into my car and headed West on August 15th, 2008.

Two years built: a blog, a life, a community, a job, a woman not a girl, love (out of loss) and deep, meaningful friendships.

I almost teared up writing this because I distinctly remembered two years ago where I arrived in Boulder empty-handed, with no job, no place to live, no friends and left behind four years of college, a boyfriend and any sense of comfort. I had nothing but I had everything I needed within me. I covered much of this in 2009′s last year, one-year anniversary of moving to Boulder and also from a blog perspective, I even moved from Blogger to WordPress.

This year in number’s here’s what has happened ’round these parts – From August 2009-August 2010:

• I posted 152 times;
• posted 48 Friday Linky Love’s (and still going strong, shout outs abound);
• 13 interviews or press elsewhere on the blog (wait what, people write about me?);
• I wrote 19 guest posts, 1 eBook contribution and a couple video contributions;
• My blog posts were copyrighted and plagerized in an international newspaper (was resolved);
• I hosted 12 guest posts (one being my Father)
• I added a Blogroll and Best Of pages; and
• Ya’ll stick around here for over 2:00 minutes on average for each visit.

The blog has sustained and I do not plan on stopping.

Here are some personal favorites, just a few, for the rest check BEST OF:

On Originality Blogging Content and Copying November 2009

The Dating Lifeline December 2009

Daddy’s and Their Daughters January 2010

Filtering My Dreams As a Woman in 2010 February 2010

The Power of People Who Are Down February 2010

Comparing the Eras: Where People Wrote Letters And When They Did Not March 2010

I’m a Wanderlusting Seeker, Not a Nester March 2010

Connecting With a Stranger June 2010

Are We Ever Really Independent? July 2010

I feel better than ever living here. People would ask me the obligatory, post-college question, “So what’s next, what will you be doing?” and I would answer, “I’m moving to Boulder, Colorado.” When they said, “Why?” or “What will you be doing there?”

I couldn’t quite answer them, but I always felt sure in saying, “I want to build something out of nothing. Like a house, you need to plot your land, then slowly build the foundation, then add the walls, a roof, start to decorate and finally, fill it with people to make it liveable. That is what I want to do by starting something new.”

I have done that. I have built the ‘foundation’ and found ‘the people’ and feel like I have a ‘home’ here (not literally, not a homeowner yet!) and I feel so satisfied in the tangible success, milestones and growth. I’m grinning, ear to ear, full on dimples.

Finally, thank you to all my readers and supporters. Your e-mails over the years have been nothing but inspiring and I have sought to respond, to everyone. Please don’t stop reaching out, stopping by, commenting and to many of you who I have since met in person, I love it. I mean it from the bottom of my heart, that my gratitude is long winded and never ends.

Here’s to many more years of blogging, sharing, dimples, laughter, good food and growth!

xo

Gracie

Last week, I was happy to host a giveaway for a very inspirational (and true) book, Operation Beautiful.

Today, (via Random.org) I’m announcing the winner and it goes to Meagan Kelly! The book is en route to you, Meagan.

Thank you to everyone who contributed. I hope the book and blog touched you. I was particularly touched by everyone’s comments as I asked each of you to tell me what you would say on your very own Operation Beautiful Post-It.

Here is Meagan’s:

Love now.

Worry later.

No more comparing yourself to others. Be you and be proud!

You are strong, capable, resilient, extraordinary and loved. Put those worries aside!

Positive thoughts lead to positive actions – you can do it!

Note: It has been asked, but author Caitlin Boyle and I are not related, although she does have a fantastic last name

My dearest Mother is in town. We’ve been hiking, wining and dining (like, a lot, are my jeans a little tighter?), cooking for/with my friends, and of course, tonight we are seeing the opening of Eat, Pray, Love. We’re Italian, and the book inspired her to create and execute (she’s on her second year) of hosting a woman’s retreat in Italy.

Finally, an exciting announcement and personal milestone. This Sunday, August 15th, will mark the two year anniversary of me moving to Boulder. It’s so natural and I’m still so fulfilled here, the date almost passed me by! Stay tuned for a subsequent, two year Blogiversary of Small Hands, Big Ideas next week!

The goodness:

• Michael Larsen’s Blog: 6 Keys to Succeeding as a Contentrepreneur
• The Huffington Post: 10 Rules For Brilliant Women (Photos)
• Unclutterer: Go Big or Go Home?

I hosted a giveaway this week for the beautiful book, Operation Beautiful. You still have time to enter, I will announce the winner at random on Monday!

Finally, this video is too cute not to share. Sometimes kids, have the best answers.

One day, Caitlin Boyle, scribbled a note on a Post-it: “You are beautiful!” and slapped it on a public bathroom mirror.

Stop now.

Think of the day you’re having, what would be your reaction if you stumbled into this public bathroom and read the simple message. A smile? A little laughter? Maybe warmness?

From this one Post-it Caitlin started a movement. As women do, they started to rise together; more and more Post-it’s appeared across the world spreading an uplifting and positive message to other women. So powerful! This mission and movement is called, Operation Beautiful.

I am excited to announce that I have the newest book, Operation Beautiful – Transforming the Way You See Yourself One Post-It Note at a Time, here for a giveaway to one reader!

The book is inspirational and filled with real stories of women from around the world, who were moved by Operation Beautiful and also, the Post-it’s from around the world that people wrote. Women put notes on the back of their racing jersey for half-marathon’s, “Keep running beautiful!” or in France, Sadie put up a note (in French and English), “Smile! Show the world how beautiful you are!” in the dessert section of a supermarket, no less!

To Enter the Giveaway: Tell me by leaving a comment below, what you would say to the public (as in, what needs to be verbalized more to women to inspire and uplift) with your very own Operation Beautiful Post-it? I will announce the winner on Monday, the 16th!

Oh and remember, you are beautiful. Inside and out. Just the way you are.

Disclaimer: I was not paid for this post. I received two books, one for a giveaway as I saw fit and one for my own collection. Opinions are those of Small Hands, Big Ideas only.