Well, it’s Friday. That’s always exciting. Enjoy the links, don’t forget to laugh this weekend.

• All You Need Is Love series: You need to be reading (daily) for the month of February on Ophelia’s Webb. I am surprised everyday with each post, I’m sure you will be too. Plus, yours truly is a contributor and there are amazing bloggers included. Check it out.
• The Happiness Project: “Marriage is about…tea, doctor’s appointments, trivia, quirks” This is a great interview from Lori Gottlieb, the author I featured on my post this week about filtering my dreams.
• HPC: Would You Sacrifice Love for Greatness? Another great post I stumbled across via my post from another commenter. Opposing and interesting ideas.
• Finslippy: A Few Words About Fear

Oh and let me end with the best. Have you heard of Shatterboxx Media? They’re gutsy.

They being Nicole and Jamie who have teamed together for an absolutely badass web design and branding extravaganza that is Shatterboxx (love the name). They’re hosting a contest. They just relaunched and joined forces, so they’re giving away a super duper blog design to one lucky person (ahem, me). I’m hoping. See, I really want it. Even my 2010 resolutions (that I wrote to feel productive) was to have a blog redesign. So, serendipity. Also, when you Google “Shatterboxx Media” this post, yes, this one you’re reading, comes up third. Props, right?

I won’t even say this is shameless, it’s real, because they’re so talented and the designs are so pretty and glittery. They’re smart girls, who are witty and can hang. Just how I like it. Check them out. Work with them. Then tweet and tell them that I should win, because I would be so happy and since I’m nicknamed PR by my friends I would persuasively help land them additional clients. Okay, that’s enough.

Love, Grace.

Today, women are getting married and having babies later.

Today, women are also scared to talk about wanting conventionality.

I helped to end a relationship by choosing career, moving for my own dream and not confining to his dreams and career. Forty plus years ago, societal standards would have looked down upon this. It wasn’t really done. Now, people do it everyday.

Little did I know it at the time, but I gave up a wonderful, strong, intelligent, handsome, successful man to move away (literally, West of him), start my own career path, be independent and follow a dream I wanted. A year later you know what, I am my happiness, he wasn’t my only happiness. And now, here, I am happy and fulfilled, single.

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In terms of career, I don’t doubt I will be a woman who will surpass many men and create my own success. I thank the powerful women (and men) in my life for that inspiration.  I’m not worried. If it’s something I want, I will go get it.

At the same time, I have no problem admitting that I’m also a woman of tradition and I am excited to marry one day and have a family. Marriage doesn’t sit on a pedestal for me, it’s not my only desire, and I also don’t think it belittles my ability in the office, my ideas or even my independence.

Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough inversely writes, “My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Of course, women are loth to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child).”

Why fret? In the past, a woman who was unmarried at age 35 or 40 was unlikely to ever marry. Today, 15 percent of all women who are unmarried at age 40 will marry in the next 10 years.

I know I can’t have it all. I look forward to enriching my career, by learning to balance a family and creating a new generation of parenting, being a career-woman and a mother. When my longtime married friends with children explain the “You can’t have it all,” to me,  I see how they filter out their dreams, in turn for their children and largely, their family. That I understand. My point is, let me filter it out. Don’t tell me what I should believe or expect.

Gottlieb asserts, “What makes for a good marriage isn’t necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Marriage isn’t a passion-fest; it’s a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business. And I mean this in a good way.”

I’m willing to go through the struggle, trying to find a balance and find someone to deal with my shit and not walk away. I will be patient, giving and deal with his shit. Life is messy, but we follow our own timeline, needs and experiences as they come. Right now, I am working out my dreams and in the future, I will undoubtedly recreate new ones with my family and partner, unselfishly.

I’m sick and tired of hearing how you can have one or the other, you have to settle, or you can be a wonderful stay-at-home mother, but then you lose out by following your passion and building a career. The passion-less and mundane marriage that Gottlieb speaks of may be exclusive to her experience. And who knows, I could experience what she’s talking about. But I will not settle. It’s not in my bones. It’s not something I’ve ever done. If anything, I will filter, mold and be flexible. That’s different than settling. Maybe I will quit my job and spend time with my children, to raise them.  On the flipside, I was raised with parents who have been married for 30 years and mundane would never describe their love, partnership, friendship and romance. I don’t know yet what will happen – that’s okay.

There are stepping stones in life and right now, I’m having the career, I’m traveling, I do what I want every day and I drink champagne in the morning with breakfast. In ten years, get back to me.

Elizabeth Gilbert of “Eat, Pray, Love” and more recently, “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace With Marriage,” writes that women lose in the exchange of vows and that marriage doesn’t enable happiness. I know this. I’m not planning on getting married anytime soon, but I do not lose sight of a vision that I’m creating now and will filter through to create when someday, I find a partner, a family, a different chapter in life that won’t be mundane and passionless. When that eventually happens, next, I will write a post on having children and then grandchildren.

I will figure and filter it all out. I will choose my own ideas, my own path and my partner. You will too.

Do you resonate with the progressive mindset or do you cringe at the thought of conventional wisdom? What do you filter in your career, life and romantic dreams?

This past weekend my cousin who lives in New York City came into town for a visit. She was in awe of the natural beauty, landscape and healthy, progressive lifestyle so prevalent in Boulder.

After a morning hike overlooking the continental divide Saturday morning, we walked downtown from my apartment (also my 5 minute commute to work), had lunch on a rooftop deck overlooking the mountains, walked around downtown in the sunshine, stopped by Whole Foods to pick up her favorite tea and then walked back to my apartment to get ready for an evening out.

On our way back she looked at me and said, “I just can’t believe this is the life you live. Your lifestyle is so amazing.” I smiled and nodded in agreement. Then I began to ponder what I’ve written about before but couldn’t quite see until now: the power a place has over you.

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My cousin has lived in NYC for five years and is ready to leave. Her commute from Brooklyn to the art gallery she works at in the Upper East Side, involves three trains and an hour each way. The hustle, crowds, expenses and intensity has worn her down. She experienced anxiety for the first time while living in NYC and now feels it almost everyday, to the point of sickness. I’m not knocking the city – I love it there, I just would never live there. As for my cousin, she’s moving in two months, back to her hometown to regroup.

When I thought about the way I live here in Boulder I realized that my whole life, I have picked places all analogous to my needs and desires. Call it risky? I call it living.

I grew up in a small town in Iowa. The community was enriching. I’ve known my friends since birth, because our parents are best friends and it was a great place to be raised. For college, I decided on my own to move to Burlington, Vermont: A healthy town in the Green mountains of Vermont, overlooking Lake Champlain with delicious farmers markets, artists, musicians and five colleges in the area. Smart place. Next, I studied abroad in Florence, Italy just big enough to explore Tuscany, but small enough that in six months I recognized friends walking down the street and felt the ineffable happiness of la dolce vita. Next, I moved to Boulder.

I explained to my cousin that I moved to Boulder for Boulder. I didn’t have friends, a job or a home to call my own. The place came first and I love it. I have a lifestyle list that I know is important for my livelihood. There are other towns and cities I can think of that would match what works for me, but the important piece here, is knowing it. I also purposefully chose my apartment to be close to downtown, the mountains and where I work. I didn’t want to settle, because I knew what was important to me.

I’ve visited NYC for years, some of my best friends live there but I know I would never live there. And that’s okay. Knowing what you want and need is important. It’s not that Boulder is superior to any other city, it just works for me, I trust it, for reasons I know are innate and important for me.

I believe that picking a place that vibes with you should be one of your top priorities. It’s about designing your lifestyle. For me, the rest fell into place e.g. job, friends, a home, a schedule, my community and my happiness.

My cousin then realized how I have purposefully and thoughtfully picked where I have lived over the years and dutifully replied, “The next place I live, I’m going to do that.”

What about you?

I’ve never lived close to family or relatives because my immediate family are travelers and didn’t stay close to their own hometowns. This is why I’m giddy with excitement to be with my cousin (the only other girl ‘Boyle’) who is flying in from Brooklyn for a getaway to Boulder this weekend. I also wrote two guest posts this week – be sure to visit the amazing blogs that hosted me (see below).

• Boulder.Me: Girls In Tech And How I’m Jumping Right into Boulder’s Tech Scene Girls in Tech is a national organization and our first Boulder/Denver meeting was this week. Doni (Boulder transplant like me and fellow blogger – I have taken her ‘under my wing’ and been showing/hosting all things Boulder with her) wrote a great synopsis on the organization and the rad geeky, intelligent girls involved.
• Corn On the Job: Sorry, I Probably Won’t Read Your Cover Letter

Guest Posts:

• What Would She Do: #18 Grace Boyle How I will run my company one day.
• Lost In Cheeseland: The Importance of Travel (Spontaneity) I write a never-told story about my life when I lived and studied in Europe.

There’s conventional wisdom that we draw from the influence of our parents (or lack thereof) but there’s less about our grandparents or even great-grandparents, beyond.

Maternal Ties

My mom’s parents are still alive. They’re both 100% Italian and have 8 brothers and sisters, each. They’re Nunnie and Popo.

I recently emailed my Popo (he types in ALL CAPS in all his emails LIKE THIS). I updated him about what I was up to: my recent trip for work, travel, life and friends.

In reply he wrote simply, “YOU ARE A GROWN UP NOW. YOU ARE A FINE YOUNG LADY.” Although he does have a loud, vivacious voice he wasn’t yelling, but he always speaks the truth. And his point touched me, deeply.

My Popo worked for 50 years, tirelessly on the B&O Railroad in West Virginia, they lost two children, then raised three children (my mother being the eldest). He’s the kind of respectable man that the Mayor, Chief of Police and District Attorney look up to and talk to regularly. He’s opinionated. He still bends down, to tie my Nunnie’s shoe laces and holds her hand when walking. They’ve been married for over 60 years. He has his own garden – him and my Nunnie can their vegetables, make spaghetti sauce from scratch and roasted peppers then selflessly give away to their children, grandchildren, neighbors and friends.

He respects me and is proud of me. I only hope to be half the people my Nunnie and Popo are.

Paternal Love

I never met my dad’s parents. They had both passed away before he was 26 – he hadn’t even met my mom yet.

I secretly lament that I never met my dad’s parents. I’m so like my dad. I hear stories about my Grandpa (100% Irish) and my Grandma (100% Sicilian) but cling to the little information I have.

I see my beautiful Grandma (Michelina Provenzano aka Mickey) smiling at me in her pictures; stylish, with red lipstick, and black curly hair peering out of her hats. Recently, when I wrote the post, Daddys And Their Daughters, my dad’s cousins, Tony and Fran, wrote me a touching email in response:

I’m infinitely interested in the hiring process, especially through businesses and organizations that tout a unique culture, product and service.

Earlier this month I featured Teresa Taylor, Qwest COO and her hiring strategies (always has a meal with potential employer before making hiring decision) as she was interviewed in the New York Times. I love this idea.

In retaliation, my friend Rich of Corn On the Job weighed in with his professional background in HR and recruiting noting that hiring needs to be measurable and having a meal with someone in the hiring process can be a “complete nightmare from a legal standpoint.” I encouraged him to debate this idea and he wrote a fantastic guest blog post, The $300,000 Meal. Unlike Rich, this isn’t my industry, but I have of course been interviewed, hired, I’ve hired and I only expect more of it. I don’t claim to be an expert, but I do claim to grasp, understand and read people. It’s my passion. And for that, there isn’t a formula.

This week I read and enjoyed the interview from New York Times, Corner Office with Bobbi Brown, founder of Bobbi Brown Cosmetics. I included some of my favorite excerpts, but you can read the full interview here.

NYT: Tell me more about what you’re looking for [when hiring].

Bobbi: The most important thing is people need to be themselves. And someone could be totally, on paper, perfect for the job. But they might not have the openness, the vision. I like when people bring energy, creativity, newness to me.

NYT: What else?

Communicating. To me, this is probably the biggest thing. If it’s the right person, I can barely speak and they understand what I’m saying. But if it’s not the right person, they have trouble understanding, because creative people are not like other people. Any other creative C.E.O. will understand what I’m talking about.

I never learned management. I never went to business school. I’m an artist. I happened to have really clear ideas of what I thought my business should be.

I like hearing from Bobbi, because I’m also more of a right-brain creative type. I’ve managed teams but having a clear idea of what you need and what you want from other people can be a challenge to articulate and execute. Nonetheless, communicating has always been easy for me (professionally and personally) so I leverage my communication skills to reach my team/employers then constantly tweak what is needed from an execution standpoint.

What are your strengths and weaknesses at work? Do you recognize them and if so, what do you do to capitalize on the strengths and then learn from the weaknesses? What do you think of Bobbi’s vision (ahem, Rich?)

I haven’t been home much the past few weeks. I was in Jackson Hole for the long weekend, then a day after I hopped on a plane for a business trip to Chicago. Here I am, Friday, looking forward to a weekend at home in Boulder, relaxing. Per my resolution I made in 2009 to spend at least one day/afternoon/night unplugged and by myself, it’s still proving to be wildly beneficial. You should try it too. Once a week.

• Inc. Magazine: It’s Never Too Late for Success: One Man’s Story
• There’s No Place Like Home: Girl Power
• Valet: The Female Perspective
• The Skool of Life: Guest Post: Writing As a Way of Thinking
• Love Harder: Read Brandy’s story: “Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend. And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma.” The power of community and Internet cannot be underestimated. Donate. Read. Support. Send your love.

Can you imagine leaping across your seats to thwart a terrorist attack on your flight, Christmas Day? We all wish we had the seed of heroism in us, but fear that we wouldn’t take the leap. Think again.

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Philip Zimbardo, a professor at Stanford University famous for the Stanford Prison Experiment, talks about the belief that “good people can easily be induced to do bad things if their environment subtly pushes them in that direction.”

Zimbardo explains in an interview with Newsweek that we do not know what makes us act or not act, but we do know “anyone can be a hero.”

America has an individualistic culture with pre-conceived notions about heroes. Zimbardo asserts, “We want to believe that evil is in special kinds of bad people and heroism is in special kinds of good people. We want to believe that heroes must be more religious or more empathetic or more altruistic than the rest of us. We want to believe that heroism comes from a set of personal virtues. But the social context is more important. To be a hero, what you mostly need is opportunity.”

When opportunity calls

Around four years ago, a few of my girlfriends and I started to see one of our friends begin to slip away. With her family far away, we were her home and part of her family. She was unhappy, depressed and using alcohol or drugs to numb the pain. There were moments of fear and uncertainty, but once we knew we had tried everything else, we had to seek professional help.

We could potentially forsee her anger, but not her irrationality and reaction to our decision. In holding her, listening to her yell and thrash and feeling a sense of relief mixed with betrayal as we took steps with professionals, we also found a piece of heroism rise up in each of us the night we made that decision.

The thing is, you rise to the challenge. I had no other choice. Your mind and heart go through a moment of conflict, your heart skips a beat, but then you jump right in. There’s even an element of surprise. I was calm and collected, moving effortlessly and saying the right things admist the yelling and crying. There was no room for cowards and I still look at my girlfriends as heroes from that long, cold night.

Opportunity Begets Heroism

When discussing opportunity, research shows that “blacks are eight times more likely than whites to have engaged in a heroic act in their life. The reason is simply [that] they have more opportunities. If you live in an urban area, you’re more likely to do something heroic, because there’s more crime. There’s more danger. Whereas if you live in the suburbs, the chance to become a hero is nil.”

However, just because suburbia might have a lower crime rate, it doesn’t dismiss the opportunity such as saving a child from running out in front of a car or putting out a fire in your house. I also think that generalizing race (although mentioned in this study) has less to do with the systematic social context of opportunity creates rising heroes.

We shouldn’t underestimate ourselves and pigeonhole heroism only to lifelong, powerful figures, but rather to those that can also quietly step into a situation they thought they couldn’t handle and they end up handling it, just right.

What do you think? Do situations create heroic acts or is there an innate sense of heroism residing within only certain people? Do you remember a time where you had a choice and without thinking, you jumped in, to do the right thing for that person, place, idea, or situation?