Parenting Balancing Act: Your Children Are Entrenched In Your Business

Both of my parents are entrepreneurs.

Growing up, my mom had her office in the house while my dad seemed to have a suitcase permanently attached to his hand, rolling in or out the front door. He built and runs his own company and also helps to run a division of another company.

When I read “Minding the Kids,” in Inc. by Meg Cadoux Hirshberg, wife of Gary Hirschberg, President and CEO of Stonyfield Yogurt, I realized how right she was as she stated, “for better or worse–and that’s definitely up to you–your children are deeply involved in your business.”

Subconsciously, I was affected by my dad’s strong work ethic, travel schedule and running a couple businesses, all the while, being a dad, a friend, a husband and a boss.

Photo Credit: Getty Images – Thomas Northcut

It was the norm having to check in on my dad’s schedule, crossing my fingers, hoping he could make our division championship basketball game, my birthday or my horse show. His travel schedule was largely out his control, try as he might. There were times I looked in the stands and remember seeing my mom sitting tall, smiling, but alone because my dad’s plane had been delayed or canceled due to the Iowa snowstorm or he was overseas on a business trip. My mom had to double up on activities, often acting as two parents, attending events alone and obtaining her own balancing act.

Today, I resent even feeling sorry for myself in those moments, while all my friends family members were in attendance and mine couldn’t be.

When speaking about the challenge for working parents (entrepreneurial or not) Meg mentions the notion of guilt:

The subject of children is fraught for many working parents, but company owners experience extra dimensions of guilt. It’s one thing to expose yourself and your spouse to financial risk and instability, another to expose kids who have no voice in the matter. Work follows the entrepreneur wherever he or she goes — into the family room, onto the beach — providing an ever-present reminder that Mom or Dad has competing priorities. Frequent travel is usually unavoidable. And even when you’re there, you’re often not there. Your body is at the Girl Scout meeting with your daughter, but your mind is mulling over margins.

I learned to let go of expectations and when I heard the suitcase roll across the tiled, living room floor out to the garage it was like he was heading to the office (not the airport). I would scurry to his feet, he would lightly kiss my forehead and I knew when he would come back, he would be 100% present. Knowing his dedication to our family, even with his crazy work schedule, helped my family and I.

I learned to trust and thank him for his contribution to our family, by being a little less upset when he couldn’t always make my things, my events. After an International flight and 15 days of working in a row, I would look out in the stands and I would see him standing in the front row, with a beaming smile, sitting next to my mom, winking at me. Instead of sleeping or showing any sign of tiredness, he would show up, he would be accountable.

I worked for over five years in my fathers business, he taught me a foundation in selling, building business relationships, business etiquette, how to treat people fairly and negotiation – all this started from age 15. He brought me on an International buying trip to Thailand to watch him work with clients and interact in his element. These, I see are the upside of an entrepreneurial household.

Many company owners have extraordinary latitude to involve their kids in their work, spending time together while providing an early education in business….And they watch their parents acting as leaders, taking responsibility both for their own lives and for the lives of others. The intimate observation of entrepreneurship also helps shape children’s future decisions. -Meg Cadoux Hirschberg

He’s still working hard. My brother and I are both out of the house and there are times my mom is alone (he was just in India and Tanzania). So even when we were hiking Rocky Mountain National Park and he’s sitting on a rock overlooking a waterfall, Blackberry in his hand scrolling through important e-mails I can roll my eyes, laugh at him, and say, “Daaaad!” and he quietly drops it into his pocket with subtle confidence in his family, no fight, just love.

Today, I’m writing from the other side of the trench, as an adult. And I finally see pieces of where he was coming from, his struggle.

When I asked my dad about his struggle, he told me:

Although I was forced to be away from home for long stretches of time, I have tried to be there for my children as they were growing up. I remember the joy of fatherhood at key moments with my two great kids.

I love my family and love my work, but I’ve learned keeping the delicate balance (favoring family) has been my greatest achievement.

My children are adults now and I love them and their successes and challenges more now than ever before. For a man, success is balancing family and career.

Most importantly, he raised a beautiful family that he was able to sustain and he worked hard on keeping us as his most important priority while also teaching me entrepreneurial business skills and the ultimate balancing act came from both my parents. For that, I deeply respect them.

Did your parents work full-time growing up? How did this affect you – positively or negatively? Parents, do you think about the consequences or how your children think with your work schedule and demands?