We Find A Place For What We Lose
“We find a place for what we lose. Although we know that after such a loss the acute stage of mourning will subside, we also know that a part of us shall remain inconsolable and never find a substitute. No matter what may fill the gap, even if it is completely filled, it will nevertheless remain something changed forever.” -Sigmund Freud
The new year is approaching. At this time, me and many other people begin to reflect on this last year and what we want to change or set a resolution for in the upcoming new year.
For me, 2009 was extremely rewarding but I also experienced a lot of loss. Ask me in January 2009 if I would have been here (mentally, physically, emotionally, devoid of certain people, new people in my life and new home) at the end of 2009 and I would have laughed in your face. Life is filled with surprises.
We’ve all been there: I just want to forget this ever happened. This isn’t happening to me. How do I make this go away?
Sometimes that hole or void seeps into your soul and the pain is immense so you want to make it go away. Pushing away the problem doesn’t make it go away, yet, I think one of the most important pieces of advice I’ve received (and offered to others) is to feel what you’re feeling.
Recognize what you’re going through and without sounding esoteric there’s a sense of practicality in validating your emotions and feelings. I don’t suggest wallowing, but that piece of you is changed forever and it’s okay. The hurt and frustrated part of me wants to stomp my feet and do things that will distract me (not all a bad idea) but sometimes acknowledging who I am and what I’m actually feeling, feels good too.
I’m a realistic optimist. I won’t sugar coat it with a cheesy starry-eyed new years eve post because for some of the parts in life, I’m still finding a place for what I’ve lost. And that’s a position I’m okay being in.
Do you try to push it all away? Do you think our society encourages distractions and not facing our fears?