I know, it seems negative but this year, I am learning to say no.
I almost always say yes. It is excruciatingly hard for me to say no, moreso in personal relationships and requests, not so much business. My mom or boyfriend would joke, I’m great at saying no but that’s not the kind of opinionated no I’m talking about.
It’s when feelings are involved, it’s requests, favors and let me make your inconvenience mine (at a high level of repetition).
A true no doesn’t include making up an excuse or if I actually have an obligation, so I have to say no.
When I don’t have the capacity, I don’t want to, I can’t or I just am not up to it – those are true no’s.
I pride myself on giving and being helpful. I want that to be part of my life, forever. However, I resent the fact that I begin resenting situations or people, when their asking becomes an assumption, not a request. When their asking becomes so regular, you don’t remember not being asked. I feel drained if it’s take, take, take and I find sometimes, that what I begin giving back isn’t wholehearted or out of the goodness of my heart.
I still will say yes more than no.
I know that.
But I also know that I will feel empowered by speaking my truth and by just saying no, when I simply cannot.
I am scared because in general, we, as humans, don’t react well to no. More often than not, we request something from someone expecting them to give it, just assuming the no won’t be there.
I also recognize, that people come to expect me as the “Yes, whatever you need,” type-of-gal. I will still be reliable. If I say “No, I don’t think I can this time,” once every six months to someone that’s still reliable. There are just circumstances that don’t always align and the notion of asking, is that you are truly asking with a chance they may not be able to and it has nothing to do personally with you.
Those are my fears. Loud and clear.
More and more I find the need to exercise the no in my life. I barely have 30 minutes truly to myself these days and I find, with time to give back where and when I truly can and want to, it will be better for everyone.
Here’s to the no, opening up your life and allowing you to give back in the most honest way.
How do you say no in your life?