Comments on: Filtering My Dreams as a Woman In 2010

By: Are We Ever REALLY Independent? | Small Hands, Big Ideas

Are We Ever REALLY Independent? | Small Hands, Big Ideas — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:44:12 +0000

[...] often talk and write about my independence, so do my [...]

By: I’m a Wanderlusting Seeker, Not a Nester | Small Hands, Big Ideas

I’m a Wanderlusting Seeker, Not a Nester | Small Hands, Big Ideas — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 15:49:17 +0000

[...] I think about a mate or partner for life, the quality of a “seeker” seems to be more analogous and important to me. For example, an ex of mine chose to stay in his [...]

By: When It Hits the Brain, It Feels So Good | Small Hands, Big Ideas

When It Hits the Brain, It Feels So Good | Small Hands, Big Ideas — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 17:08:02 +0000

[...] I have a blog post that is brewing and I can’t stop writing until it’s finished. These are always my best even when it came from an inopportune time. Furthermore, I can actually pride myself by [...]

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 21:46:13 +0000

@Milly Thank you for this – I love it. As I perused through each of these comments each woman has such a good story (no matter what side of the fence they're on).

You're so right that “having it all” means different things at different points in your life. It also of course, varies by the person, the family, the couple. You're a living, breathing example of how you've balanced life, love and family. Of course, it isn't easy, but you haven' t settled and that's an inspiration. You continue to follow your bliss, while also finding what “having it all” means. Thank you so much, Milly xo

By: millymalloy

millymalloy — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 05:44:15 +0000

Great blog Grace! After being married for a long time and having 2 kids, I refused to believe that “you can't have it all.”
“Having it all” means different things at different times in your life. It evolves as your desires, needs and wants evolve. Sometimes there is a gap between what your “having it all” was and what is becoming and that period can be very frustrating. But the hardest part of “having it all” is truly knowing what “all” looks like for you regardless your status and/or social expectations.
The “having to settle” part is just sad. I've had to surrender to external circumstances at times but I have never settle for them. In not settling I have found creative ways to do what I want. This might take time and patience but that is just life. I think that in a happy marriage you will have to
compromise but only the things might be important to your ego, not to your soul. And yes that is easier said than done, ask Russ!

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:41:46 +0000

@Ellen You bring up great points about 'serial daters' or people who cannot be alone. I didn't mention that in this post but I really agree with you. Being alone and being okay with it, is pretty amazing and benefits you as an individual and also the relationship. Thanks for stopping by and sharing!

By: EllenNordahl

EllenNordahl — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 10:04:11 +0000

Well said, Grace.
It bothers me to think that some women from our generation are still willing to settle for “Mr. Right Now” because they feel pressured by society to conform to some antiquated ideal. I have quite a few friends who recently got engaged, and many of them have never gone more than a month or two between “serious” relationships. Call me crazy, but I have a hard time believing that 60 days is adequate time to develop a keen sense of self-awareness without factoring in the influence/presence of another person.
I think one of the reasons so many marriages fail is that people look to their partner for fulfillment or “completion,” or they're so scared of being alone that they try to mold themselves into being the person they think their partner wants them to be.
Kudos to you for wanting it all and having the sense to live life for yourself until the time is right for you.

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 21:39:34 +0000

@sfordinarygirl Thank you so much for the kind words about this post and your eloquent response. If anything, I noticed that from the comments and my friends who read this post, many women can relate. “The modern woman” dilemma as it might be described…

In the end, we must do what feels good. It's boils down to something as simple as that and why would we ignore what makes us happy, in the moment, successful and feeling good? Ah, if life WAS that simple Thank you for sharing!

By: sfordinarygirl

sfordinarygirl — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 13:36:00 +0000

I quietly read and am so thankful you're so willing to put yourself out there about careers and relationships. Your post was so timely as my parents and my grandmother have been asking me why I'm single and thinking about the next step like kids and marriage. It was frustrating me to no end and I couldn't explain it succinctly.

Not that men have it easier but there's always more pressure on the woman to do it all - career, family and everything else yet that means neglecting her dreams and ambitions. There was that scene in Mad Men season one where Don Draper asks Rachel, the successful businesswoman who runs the Jewish department store why she's not married. And she stopped and said if the roles were reversed, she wouldn't be allowed to ask that question. Or something like that. But the point is there are certain expectations on women and those ideas no longer fit into our society today. Our generation has so much more freedom, choice, and goals to pursue. Why limit ourselves so early to having kids and getting married if there's something overarchingly more important to us?

I"m really glad you wrote this post. It's really comforting to know there are other females who are blazing their own paths and not entirely concerned with marriage at the moment. There's a time and place for marriage and kids and when it's right, it'll happen.

I used to regret walking away from a really close guy friend who wanted more out of our friendship. I couldn't imagine myself making weekend trips to Canada being on the West Coast just to see him. I knew I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment.

We should embrace our freedom like you've written about before ... because once marriage and kids happen, that freedom is no longer as easy. My shrink would hammer the idea in me over and over again: when you're not actively looking, you'll find someone.

It's hard to explain to people who expect me to be married. but I'm really enjoying my freedom, being single, working on some fun projects, getting involved in my neighborhood and hanging out with wonderful friends.

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 21:52:39 +0000

@Royce It sounds like you see everything for face value, which I think is totally cool, just different. Don't look ahead for change, but rather face it when it comes, this is great advice. I just tend to see things in a big picture (good and bad) so I'm looking ahead, thinking about the future, the past, what I've experienced, etc.