Getting Kicked In the Teeth

2010 June 15
by Grace Boyle

All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me… You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. -Walt Disney

I just got kicked in the teeth.

I got my routine oil change on my 2002 Honda Accord that has taken me on many road trips across the country, in the mountains, across the Midwest, through many storms, into the North East and moved me, packing everything I own multiple times. (See photo below=road trip).

After the oil change, I got a laundry list, with the big middle finger of issues, fixes and part replacements.

I know, this happens to every well used and worn car. It’s even an expense you should prepare for, but sometimes in your 20′s, you don’t, or rather, forget to. [I'm not making excuses, rather, stating my experience.]

I took a month or two of delaying – not wanting to pay, wanting to catch up on college loans, book that trip back to the East Coast and try that new Pizzeria before I took a big gulp, got an estimate at a different shop and drove my car in.

I knew how much it was going to cost, over $1,000 and I can share that because yes, I spent over a G in one day…on an unforeseen necessity. So I paid, opted to not use my credit card (thanks to being somewhat financially prepared) and silently I turned away to drive my car back home.

Fixed and relieved, but I still felt defeated.

This is part of a larger mindset: we live for today, for the moment (a beautiful way of life) but often forget to prepare for some of the hardship, downfalls and mistakes that inevitably will occur. Is that irresponsible?

My friend Erica says (albeit a bit morbid), “Should I even focus so heavily on saving for retirement? Why not take trips now and enjoy because next week I could get hit by a bus.”

I have many friends who live paycheck to paycheck or barely scrape by. It’s hard, I know. I have a savings account, a full-time job and a 401k, but from time to time I grapple with financial challenges, unforeseen expenses and living because my spontaneous nature creeps in. And I can be honest about it, because I know many of us do. I’m not scared, I’m still living for today, but I need to remember the bigger picture sometimes, too.

I feel grateful I was able to pay, resume life and pay bills, but I still couldn’t help but feel that kick in the teeth.

As I’ve written about before, this is a “luxury” problem. There are far greater issues, dilemmas and pain points in life.

I took an evening to reflect and feel the ‘kick in my teeth’ then I slowly, began to let it go. Next week, is another week and in a few months, I will forget the expense. Undoubtedly, there will be others and as I only have to support myself, that will also change in the future. The kick in the teeth taught me something, reminded me that steering off course is good and demands action and responsibility.

How do you tackle unforeseen financial obligations or accidents? Are you prepared or do you fly completely by the seat of your pants?

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from → Change, Economy, Generation Y, Honesty

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  • mehnazthawer

    Grace, great post!
    My mother – a little high strung – has always instilled in me the old adage, “hope for the best, prepare for the worst”. Sometimes this is a real disadvantage because it doesn't allow me to seize the day because it doesn't fall into my “plan”. The good thing is, that it's allowed me to garner a social safety net for situations just like this, whether it's a financial expense or a medical emergency.
    I think the key is – as you've already shown us – to take a breath and take it one day at a time. It's the only real way to overcome unforseen circumstances.

  • http://jennbollenbacher.com/blog Jenn

    As a brand new car owner (as of a week ago), this is exactly the kind of thing I need to be reminded of. It's one of those things that we often overlook because it doesn't affect us everyday. We expect our car to work on a daily basis, and are always caught off guard when something unexpected happens.

    The same could be said for health problems and natural disasters — you never know when they're going to “strike” so we should take care to remember that sometimes they do strike and personally, I feel better about missing a roadtrip or two right now in favor of saving that money for something I can't control.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @Mehnaz It is such a balance isn't it? I linked to Ellen's post about living for tomorrow is no way to live, which I LOVED, but after being hit with this expense and also just being generally bummed out about it, I realized there are certain things we should plan for.

    I for one, am very spontaneous. I don't think about the future, very much live in the now, but I feel grateful this didn't break the bank and make me unstable haha, but I still considered the repercussions.

  • Rachel Vincent

    Planning for the future isn't just about being able to handle those unforeseen (and often unwanted) blows to our finances: being laid off, having a major health issue, or some car/house/apartment expense, as just a few examples. It's also about being able to take advantage of unforeseen (and often wanted) opportunities: a rare or particularly exciting travel opportunity, starting your own business, or taking time off to volunteer. By planning for the unforeseen, we can both handle the undesirable future problems and take advantage of the desirable future opportunities.

    I'm grateful I pushed to save for the future (of course with a healthy balance of enjoying the present), during my first job out of college because it allowed me ultimately to travel to awesome places the last few years and to feel financially secure enough to quit that job last year and start my own business.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @Jenn Congrats on the new whip! I know, I totally think the same thing…that it just purrs nicely along everyday and there will never be any insane fees besides the amount it cost to buy/lease, etc.

    There are so many other issues you speak of, that it is nice to remember they strike. To not be naive about it seems important…and something that was hard for me :) Thanks for sharing dear.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @Rachel I totally agree, it's why I included Walt Disney's quote that getting kicked in the teeth can be one of the best things to happen to you: other opportunities, growth, change.

    Thank you for sharing your story and beautiful insight!

  • http://www.lightherlamp.com Jaycee (E.A)

    It's good that this experience made you look at the bigger picture. Living paycheck-to-paycheck sometimes blinds our eyes to see the future. I'm against living your life care-freely just because you might be hit by a bus next week.

  • http://www.bflofutsal.com/ryanknapp/ Ryan Knapp

    Good post Grace – it resonates for me because literally last month my wife and I ran out of money. We planned and planned but with our two lives and some things we had happen, we literally had nothing. Not we do live paycheck to paycheck but you just have to invest in things that can hopefully make you money in the long run.

    We also realized the absolute absurd number of things we have that are just money suckers, we ditched cable, sold our TV, got rid of extra furniture cluttering our living room, cleaned out our storage space and we feel better than ever about those things.

    I made some poor decisions early in my financial life, but you live and learn and move on.

  • http://diamondkt.blogspot.com David

    When I got my first car, I started a “Shit Happens” jar. It was a mason jar that I would stuff spare change in, emptying the contents of my pockets at the end of a day. That way if shit happened (AKA, my car suddenly needed unexpected repairs), I had something to fall back on.

    Of course when the day came that my car (old Honda Prelude) actually did break down, I hadn’t saved up enough bank to cover the total cost of repairs. And it hurt like shit.

    So what’s the moral of the story?

    Sometimes even when we are responsible enough to prepare for the worst, we find out we haven’t given ourselves a big enough cushion to fall on. The good news is that even if the pain of it stings right now, in time it will fade away. All we can do is learn from it and add an extra inch or two to our cushion for next time. Because you know what they say…shit happens.

  • Dmbosstone

    I try and save a little bit towards the future but there is always an unexpected expense: concert tickets, broken laptop, or in my case my own car which I dropped off today to get fixed up (I know it'll cost me a lot too.)

    Luckily I've saved up so I can have these “oh shit” expenses come around and not be too devastated.

    If you can prepare a little bit now- you'll be ready to fly later.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @Jaycee Of course, experience always allows us to look at the big picture. I realized I wasn't that surprised when my car needed all the work done on it…I was just mad it took a big snap like that for me to re-remember.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @Ryan I completely understand and empathize, because it isn't easy. And sometimes, try as we might, we just fall a little short. I notice those moments where I have fallen short have taught me far more than the elated high moments.

    Your story of ditching the money suckers should be a lesson to others in learning there is always less we can live with and things we can cut back on. And you're right, we do move on. That's an important piece to all of this. Thanks for sharing, Ryan :)

  • http://colbywg.com Colby Gergen

    I'm a big fan of living for the day. Does that mean I spend irresponsibly? Not necessarily. I have few clothes, eat cereal or tuna sandwiches if I'm eating at home, get by with as few school supplies as possible, and so on.

    But I love to road trip, travel, go out with friends, read (books far outnumber anything else I own, even if I make 'clothes' a category), and learn new things (I saved up and bought a Nikon D80 this past semester, despite not being a photographer and having never been taught how to use a 'real' camera). Most of these decisions are ones I make “in the moment.” In no way would I call them bad or irresponsible, which I've been criticized for being both with my money.

    (Note the “my money” part. Society has this weird notion that a 20-year-old should be A) broke; or B) financially supported. Do I receive some parental support? Yes, but it's not that significant. I have what I have because of hard work and calculated risks on future earnings.)

    Yes, postgrad life and debt are looming on the horizon. Yes, another major car issue would really leave me on my ass. But the thing is, it can always get worse. I'm fortunate enough to have these opportunities – to be in college, to be able to road trip and travel, to be able to take pictures, to be able to READ for goodness' sake. Not everybody has these opportunities.

    So if I screw it up? Well, I might be worse off, but I'm still alive.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @David I love the “Shit Happens” jar. I used to have one of those as a kid, but probably only for ice cream cones and my little ponies (my dad would empty his change pockets). Then again, it can't hurt to do that only have it for more “adult” and meaningful situations ;)

    I like your story and the moral!

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @Dmbosstone I knew everyone could relate – because anything nice that you own (car, computer, house, etc.) requires upkeep and the possibility that it may break or need fixing. Almost guarantee, actually.

    Preparing is good. I try to live somewhere between living in the moment and preparation.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    @Colby I agree with you. But to be honest, life in college is so different after college. What doesn't have to be different, is who you are. I do the road trips, I get on a plane almost once a month for a fun trip, I buy myself nice things, etc. and I love it. Most of the time, it's pretty spontaneous as well but I also know I'm buying these things BECAUSE I have enough money, because buying it doesn't mean I will have $1 in my account and because I have worked hard for it.

    I don't mind screwing up as much, you can always cut back and hey, it's always a good learning experience :)

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