The Capacity I Own To Do, To Love, To Give

In recent conversations (and recent meltdowns), I have come to terms with my perpetually busy, involved and full life.

Let me explain.

I’ve written before, about the power of being down. We all have a different capacity to do/give/live and understanding what our capacity is (beaker analogy) is important.

I am a doer. I have my hands and feet in many different projects, I have a surplus of energy, I like people, I like trying new things and I am usually very involved. Oh right, I have a full-time job too.

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There are times where I wear myself out and reach a breaking point. I might explode in tears or literally just crave sleep. Sometimes, this is okay. This is my capacity level. It’s big.

But I am never going to just stop.

I live my life out loud. Vibrantly. With expression and vigor. I love to learn. I am passionate.  This will never change. It is inherently part of me, as much a part of me as are my dimples, my laughter, my small hands and my open heart.

The funny thing is that I don’t “seek” these opportunities, projects or people out. Somehow, they find me. They land on my doorstep. They’re calling my name, winking and smiling.

Friends might say, “I miss you! I feel like I haven’t seen you recently,” when I just saw them on Monday and they’re telling me on Thursday. Or I play catch up with a friend across the country, and they take a deep sigh saying, “Wow, Grace, you do too much.” I’m lucky, to have such good friends. I am.

The truth is, I do make time for my people, my projects, my life and me. But just because I don’t see friends everyday, doesn’t mean I’m forgetting you. I am just not that person who has free evenings every night. I also may do too much for you, but I am acutely aware of what I do.

We all “do life” differently.

I am actually elated by the possibility of learning, the projects I have going on the side, the friends I have in many different pockets and the work that I am doing that fuels me.

I know that a burst of tears isn’t bad. In fact, I look forward to a good cry. No, I’m not afraid to admitting that. I’m also not afraid to admit that sometimes I do do too much and sometimes, I am scared I’m not good enough. So, I evaluate, I step back, I say no and I listen.

As long as I am healthy and taking care of myself, it’s the flux of my life. There are many weeks, where I have something going on every night and friends or those that are close to me lament about it (worried about me, etc.). But the fact is, I still see them frequently. I am very good at keeping in touch. I answer emails, phone calls and texts (always). I plan dates. I spend time with just my boyfriend, doing our favorite things. I have girlfriend time. I talk to my parents almost everyday. I excel at work. I’m expanding. I do yoga. I get up every morning, and put one foot in front of the other.

And so, hear me out…I am balancing, (maybe) far more than you realize.

Trust, my central story is community. I have many communities and I refuse to let myself or others suffer, and I hope you feel the same, that you also refuse to stop being yourself. I choose to juggle and to own my capacity to do, to live and to give…

So really…what do you know about yourself that others may see differently? What is that thing that will always be part of you? What is your capacity to do and live and give?