Comments on: From the Guys, Guest Post: Is Saying “I’m Busy” the Easiest Way to Weasel Out of A Commitment?

By: From the Guys, Guest Post: Our Attraction to Feminine Masculinity | Small Hands, Big Ideas

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:05:00 +0000

[...] This is the fourth in a series of guest posts, “From The Guys,” written by two of my friends who blog at Simon and Cole. Over the course of the next few months [...]

By: What society expects: Relationships

What society expects: Relationships — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:27:38 +0000

[...] Weasel out of commitment [...]

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:00:24 +0000

@Thomas I haven't seen The Invention of Lying, but I want to now!

In my mind, there is no way life could be boring (regardless of lying or not). There are too many factors. I'm a firm believer in honesty and being upfront, however, I see your point about learning a lesson by doing it. There's also a way to be tactfully honest in this sense, which is important to me. I'm just not a fan of lying and I don't think it gets anyone anywhere, especially because the truth always happens to come out. I do think it depends on the receiver and how close I am to that person (he.g. ow the lie might affect them, etc.)

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:00:24 +0000

@Thomas I haven't seen The Invention of Lying, but I want to now!

By: thomas

thomas — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:03:43 +0000

Actually, honest is NOT always the best way.

Have you seen the invention of lying, its a fairly new movie. It shows you a world where everyone simply said what is on their mind.

What I got from the movie is that telling the truth all the time makes life boring because there is no challenge or lesson to be learned.

Look at it this way, how do you learn a lesson better, by doing it and failing or by reading about it or being told? Obviously by doing it. So how it say someone telling you how to do it any good?

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:50:17 +0000

@Tahoe Bill Ah, I didn't include “hard to get” into that mix. Maybe Monica did. I'm so over games. My girlfriends and I always say, “Cut the bullshit.” Being real and honest with who you are, will usually draw that sort of honesty to you from others.

The “chase” doesn't seem healthy and at some point I would say, “Something's gotta give.” I suppose in the end, I just want to see that it's worth it. That we're both willing to put in the effort. Of course we get busy (for real) but I've definitely put other things aside for someone because I knew they were worth it. Those things I put aside, I never would have if it weren't for that person.

By: Tahoe Bill

Tahoe Bill — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:46:53 +0000

Grace, you want to spend time with someone who is sincere, interested, into you, stuff like that, right? That part sounds good. But I wonder whether the playing hard to get approach actually filters for a guy who is willing to invest a lot of time and energy pursuing someone who is fun and attractive, but who he really knows nothing about. Next thing you know, you're looking at building a relationship with someone whose skill set is geared toward chasing and winning over strangers! For those who want LTR, this seems like a shaky foundation. How can you tell if you are seeing a polished routine or true appreciation?

Getting back OT, I would not tell someone “busy” if I meant not interested. But sometimes I do get busy and then find that someone I enjoyed spending time with is just not very high on the priority list. That can be tough if they were expecting, say, a full time relationship. Sex definitely complicates the situation. Communication is vital, honest communication is even better.

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:59:44 +0000

@Walter It seems like you're talking about once you're with the girl, not before. Different story but also very true. People often get comfortable with what they have, their history, etc. It's funny how we often put a lot of effort in the pre-dating stages, to really prove something and see if it's worth it. Once the relationship has been underway and you're both comfortable, it's also important to not take them for granted.

Thanks for your insight!

By: Grace Boyle

Grace Boyle — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:54:23 +0000

@Tahoe Bill I understand your concern and how it may seem “less healthy,” but there is a fine line between understanding you're worth it (both parties) and being a pushover. To me, when it's worth it there's no amount of effort that is really too much (give or take). I've experienced that from both ends. That's with the notion that it's a healthy, happy relationship between two people.

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Fri, 06 Nov 2009 15:42:41 +0000

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Grace Boyle and Jerod Morris, Syazwan Ahmad. Syazwan Ahmad said: reading: From the Guys, Guest Post: Is Saying “I’m busy” the Easiest Way to Weasel Out of A Commitment? http://bit.ly/iM9pU [...]