Guest Post: Why Every Blogger Should Have A Non-Blogger Spouse

2010 January 6
by Grace Boyle

This post is part of the Guest Blog Grand Tour over at Life Without Pants – an epic journey of over 75 guest posts. Want to learn more about Matt Cheuvront & see how far the rabbit hole goes? Subscribe to the Life Without Pants RSS feed & follow him on Twitter to keep in touch!

I don’t spend a ton of time writing about relationships over on my blog – at least not the romantic type. But leave it to Grace and Small Hands, Big Ideas to bring out the softer side of Matt Chevy.

When I think back to the past year of my life, the center of almost every decision I’ve made has been my fiancé and soon to be wife, Lierin. Getting engaged back in May, moving up to Chicago in June, getting our first place together in August, and now planning our wedding in May of 2010. We’ve been together for almost 5 years now and through it all, she’s been the one person I can and have always turned to when I needed (and even when I think I didn’t need) support.

I’ve seen a common trend among us Social Media/blogging types when it comes to relationships. More often than not – one person is very active online and the other, not so much. That’s exactly the position I’m in. I blog and Tweet all day long, but my fiancé could care less about this world that we’re in – and you know what? I couldn’t be more thankful. Here are a few reasons why…

She keeps me from being a basement-dwelling World of Warcraft loser.

No offense WOW players but seriously, without her, who’s to say I wouldn’t be living in my parent’s basement sucking down Mountain Dew’s wandering around an online fantasy world as a level 57 dark elf mage? Having a significant other who keeps the Internet from totally taking over my life is important because she keeps things balanced – she gives me a slap on the wrist and reminds me that unplugging from time to time is necessary to maintain my sanity (and probably my eyesight).

She reminds me of what matters most

Not that I need the reminder – but overall, Lierin keeps me grounded. She reminds me that the online community I’m a part of may be great, but it’s the “real life” face-to-face relationships that matters most. Friends and family is a no brainer, but I’ve also been able to take a lot of the online connections I’ve made and turn them into solid friendships.

She believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself

Moving was hard, quitting my job with nothing else on deck was harder, leaving my family behind in Nashville might have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Needless to say, through all of the transition and change I’ve been through over the past 12 months  – there have been a lot of breakdowns, and a lot of times where I’ve doubted myself and my decision making. Every step of the way, in every decision I’ve made she has always been there to say “I believe in you” – she has full confidence in me even when I don’t have confidence in myself. We all need that – we all need that one person, a best friend, brother or sister, parent or relative – someone who will keep us moving and pick us up when we stumble and fall and tell us that everything is going to be OK.

Above all – she loves me for me

I get it. I know that everyone isn’t going to love me all the time, that sometimes I’m going to rub people the wrong way – and as obvious as that sounds, I think it’s one of the things that we often forget as writers and bloggers. We write and communicate and hope that everyone’s going to give us a pat on the back and say “good job” – but folks, that’s not reality.

However, while you can’t ever please everyone, having ONE person who loves you unconditionally, who reads every post you write and tells you that you’re the best writer in the world (even if you know damn well it’s not true) – that, my friends, means everything and the world.

What about you? Does your significant other spend as much time as you do online? Do you think having that “balance” is important?

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  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Haha – wow, well, didn't mean to call you out and your WOW nerdom. But I think it's much more “OK” for the lady folk – lol. It sounds like you two compliment each other VERY well – and that's what it's all about – that's how my fiance and I are – we have a lot of similarities but are also very different and have very different interests – it works well for us and keeps us both trying new things and thinking in new ways.

    P.S. I love how you follow me around wherever I go and write – your support is amazing, mucho gracias Em!

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Thank YOU for sharing your perspective here – now will you hurry up and get that blog going already? I'm going to be your first subscriber! Not to mention often-visitor and soon-to-be guest poster. You've clearly got a lot to say, now it's just about giving yourself a platform to speak your mind regularly. Really looking forward to it – and I have no doubt it's going to be great!

  • http://tdhurst.com tdhurst

    And to remind you when you're about to say something really, really stupid.

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Haha, touche! They're good for that too!

  • http://www.BeyondThePedway.com Tim Jahn

    You're absolutely right when you say “she reminds me of what matters most.” I can't imagine being married to somebody totally connected, tweeting all day, Facebooking all night, texting all afternoon, etc. While a lot of what I do digitally is important to my business and to creating relationships that are very meaningful, it's nowhere near as important as sitting around a campfire in Wisconsin on a beautiful summer night with a guitar, some food and drink, and the ones you love.

    It's ok to move fast. But you need somebody moving alongside you that can ease on the brakes every once in a while and make sure you don't crash.

  • http://www.BeyondThePedway.com Tim Jahn

    '”Face time” on social media will make you popular, but it's not a way to live.'

    I love that, Rebecca. Perfectly said.

  • http://www.BeyondThePedway.com Tim Jahn

    It's comforting to know there's more of “us” out there. :)

  • http://www.BeyondThePedway.com Tim Jahn

    My wife's a teacher as well (high school). Isn't it amazing the amount of work they do OUTSIDE actually teaching? I never realized it as a student – gives you a whole new appreciation for the teaching profession.

  • http://www.BeyondThePedway.com Tim Jahn

    What's a nine to five?

  • http://www.colleendilen.com/ Colleen

    Minority to the rescue!! I'm in a relationship where both of us are online and blogging all the time. My guy (whom I've been living with for 2.5 years) is more than a blogger; he's a full-fledged computer programmer, online startup cofounder, AND he's the person who got me onto blogging. I cannot even tell you how many friends sent me e-mails with Stephanie Finch's post “Why You Should Never Be A Startup Girlfriend” back when she wrote it (http://stephfinch.com/2008/07/why-you-should-ne…). So, I totally understand this post.

    To answer your question: Nope, we don't sit at home at the dinner table blogging, but we both do spend a lot of time at the computer– and we both get horrible headaches if we are on the computer for more than 3 hours straight, so that helps. :-)

    All joking aside, I'm glad you wrote about your relationship, Matt (and I'm glad you got him to do it, Grace!) I think this post is lovely and that it is much more about healthy relationships than it is about blogging/ bloggers at all. Really, you could replace blogging with anything, here: Why every meat eater should have a vegetarian spouse, for instance– or why every reality-show watcher should have a non reality-show-watching spouse. The points would still be the same.

    What your post does is bring out some basics of being in a strong relationship, and I think that's very valuable!

  • http://www.solitarypanda.com floreta

    Your blog series dates this as 1/6/2009 ;)

    It sounds like you have a very healthy and balanced relationship! I feel that's where people can really start to coexistent and am a big proponent in “opposites attract”… just haven't experienced it yet. lol

  • Pingback: Jingwen » Blog Archive » QOTW: Social Media and Relationships

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Thanks for the comment and heads up about the date – can you tell I'm not ready for 2010 yet? LOL

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Exactly man – and I think, just looking around, a lot of people have lost touch of that “campfire” mentality – the importance of surrounding yourself with friends and family – it means everything in the world – and with all the craziness that took place last year – I'm hoping for much more sitting around the campfire in 2010. Speaking of – camping trip – you down? Also – Lierin's folks have a house on Lake Geneva if you're interested in a little weekend getaway. Just sayin.

  • http://doniree.com doniree

    I used to think I wanted someone as present online as I am, then I decided I wanted someone who wanted nothing to do with it. As it turns out, I'm dating a fellow blogger, but he makes it much less of a priority than I do, and I dig this balance. On the one hand, he 'gets' the whole Twitter/blog/community thing that I adore so much. On the other, he reminds me frequently to shut the laptop and get out and do stuff. I like the balance :)

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Right on Doni – and to each his own, but I prefer someone who brings something very different to the table than myself – because it makes for an outstanding compliment of one another. Lierin not being online reminds me that I don't always have to be “present” in this space either – that I can “miss out” on what's going on in these parts and still be “OK”.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.blogspot.com Grace Boyle

    @Laura I like hearing your story! It sounds like you have a good balance. I still believe that even if you have a blogging spouse, that it matters deeply about the kind of relationship you have not just your outward interests. Thanks for sharing :)

  • http://www.brazencareerist.com/profile/ryan-paugh Ryan Paugh

    Great post Matt! My girlfriend pointed me to it, which lets you know that we're both bloggers. It seems to work out okay for us. We keep each other in check, and maintain a healthy balance between our online and offline time.

    Still, we do struggle. I think it's mostly due to the fact that social media is embedded into our careers. Which can sometime suck, but other times be totally amazing.

    I'm glad to have read this post. Not because I think that one of us should be a blogger and one shouldn't, but because it shows what great, young couples are really made of.

    Lierin gives you encouragement, inspiration and a good ass-kicking when you need one. My lady does that too. We're both pretty lucky.

  • lissa10279

    I can DEF relate. I'm in the blogosphere 24/7 and my husband … not at all. But he does ground me and keep me in the here and now, when otherwise I'd be glued to my laptop or BlackBerry.

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Minority opinions are always welcome – they're what help us think outside the box. I agree that this post is much more about the big picture of taking time to step away from whatever your doing and enjoying what matters most – your time spent with one another.

    Thanks for the comment!

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    Agreed man – sounds like we've both got it made!

  • http://twitter.com/dmbosstone Patrick Pho

    I fully agree- I sometimes think a blogger would understand what I do and write but I don't think I want another blogger writing about my dating life to the world.

  • http://lalasparebedroom.wordpress.com/ La La

    you're a going to be a good husband.

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    You are far, far too kind. Thank you :)

  • http://www.lifewithoutpants.com Matt Cheuvront

    You are far, far too kind. Thank you :)

  • http://www.jobsearcho.com/ job search

    You are definitely right — This blog give me an headache, while reading with your blog my brain trying to remind and bringing me back time when I still have a GF .. waaaaaaaa! I feel so sorry now!

  • http://rachaelgking.com rachaelgk

    Yes, EXACTLY. Ben hates social media. Hates it, doesn’t get… but respects that *I* do. He definitely helps keep me balanced – (in more areas than just this one, haha) – and I’m so thankful for it. I know a couple digital powerhouse couples who make it work, but they’re few and far between. I think this type of “balance” works much better, at least for me!

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