Limiting Beliefs – Don’t Cling to the Suckers

2011 July 19
by Grace Boyle

One of my friends has been single for for the last few years.

She never tried online dating and even amongst our suggestions and ideas, she balked at the idea. I always wondered why, because I knew it couldn’t hurt and isn’t it like, 1 in 3 people meet people online? It’s not that far fetched.

As she expressed, she believed that as a spiritual person since she wasn’t online dating, then other men who are spiritual wouldn’t be either because they too must believe in a more organic, meant-to-be way of meeting.

This thought process is something I can relate to. Nonetheless, a fallacy because where is the proof?

One morning, she woke up and decided to browse an online dating site. To her surprise, she found herself intrigued and interested in a handful of the men on there. She decided to ditch her belief and create her own profile. She laid out exactly who she was. She wasn’t vague and she was honest. Within a day, she had multiple messages from men and even the few she was really interested in (to her surprise)!

She described the feeling as giddy and without a doubt, excited.

Sometimes the thing that we refuse the most, may give way for more opportunity and joy than we could have imagined.

Note: This isn’t to say that online dating is the way, and this isn’t to say it’s my friend’s specific solution but it’s the story that counts.

Illusions VS. Core Beliefs:

If someone is scared of doing something (quitting their job, online dating, taking a risk) that fear isn’t a core belief. It’s our reaction to the belief. We say, “I could never quit my job that I hate because I wouldn’t have enough money and no one would hire me.” Or, “I would never meet someone that I actually fall for through online dating.”

Those are fears and thoughts.

I’ve learned that to identify with what’s really stopping you, the belief behind it, you have to look deeper than the thoughts and not let the thoughts hold you back.

Want to know what’s really funny? If I look back at all the times I have been held back or frozen in fear, it was me stopping me. No one else.

More often than not, what we fear most, doesn’t come true. If we focus on it, it most definitely could. Intention is powerful.

I hear people lament and complain all the time (yep, myself included) and I ask them why won’t they just do what they want? What follows is a look of incredulous confusion on their face and then, they list a million reasons why not…

Shit.

I propose, let’s start talking about the reasons why we should.

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from → Honesty, Inspiration, Relationships

  • Kerrie McLoughlin

    This is so true. I wish I had not worked at a dead-end, soul-sucking job for over 2 years in my 20s when Hallmark Cards was just next door and I always wanted to be a writer. I would have been happier at HC as a mailperson than where I was, but I was scared I wouldn’t make enough money, would never move up, wouldn’t get hired. Fear hold us back … now I just jump right in … 5 kids, homeschooling, married to my love, writing … it’s about time!

  • http://twitter.com/JeremyOrr Jeremy Orr

    If I had a nickel for every time I said “I’m not gonna do that” or even “I don’t want to watch that” and then I did it or watched it or read it, or whatever, and then did it any way and really liked it,… I’d be a rich man. My favorite example is when cell phones started to get popular. Everyone started to get cell phones. I said to everyone “F That! If I’m not home, I don’t need anyone finding me. I’ll call you when I get home!” Fast forward a year or two and all my friends are making fun of me for being attached to my cell phone. Gotta admit. I was wrong. I’ve been wrong a lot. Too bad I am not a rich man for it.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Kerrie, thanks for sharing. I know how hard it can be looking back…but it sounds like you’re truly inviting all these opportunities your way, devoid of the fear. Keep on going :) YES!

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Haha, see, there we go! It’s interesting isn’t it?

    At least you can admit that you’ve changed, grown and been surprised by life. It’s a good feeling and overtime, I just say “never say never” and try to keep as open as possible about experiences. Fear can often hold us back, but no one wins in that scenario so might as well just TRY.

  • http://www.writingtoreachyou.com Ashley

    Really enjoyed this post!  I’ve run into this same thing mostly clearly in being honest about things I never thought I could share with other people.  There are some topics I’ve considered over and over again and always thought, “No, I could never write about that,” and then after saying Never so many times, one time I will think, “Well, what if?” and then there’s no going back to Never.

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Thanks Ashley! With such a close friend sharing her story, I couldn’t help but think about all the parallels to my life too.

    I think life is always scary. It doesn’t get less scary over time, but there’s so much we can somehow control ourselves. I’ve been rewarded when I try something I never thought I could and the outcome is usually not as I thought. Sometimes it doesn’t work to my liking, but it’s a learning process and more often than not, it’s somehow worth it.

    Speaking of posts, the ones that I leave in draft mode for a long time and am unsure about, are often the most popular where people really resonate with them. I am always surprised, but should I be? Ha, here’s to letting go of the never.

  • http://ilovelovee.wordpress.com/ Melanie Cohn

    Grace–you know what’s crazy? I was feeling super down about a work situation and I thought to myself, “I’m going to go read Grace’s blog, I’m sure that will have something good.” AND you wrote exactly what I’m feeling! Being scared to do something out of fear of what might happen, which is mostly just ME holding myself back. You rock. Thanks! :)

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Aw, Melanie. Sometimes I read or hear things that are JUST what I need to hear after feeling down. Yoga class always does that for me too. I think it’s the world offering you just what you needed ;) Keep your head up. It’s Friday! xo

  • http://terra-bear.com terra

    I love this post and you’re exactly right – we’re the only ones stopping ourselves from doing things we’d like to be doing. No one else controls my life except for me and what I do and don’t do is solidly my choice. What I think I can’t do, is only a can’t because of fears I’ve put in place. Thanks for the inspiration Grace!

  • http://www.smallhandsbigideas.com Grace Boyle

    Thanks, Terra :) These experiences and stories kept happening – to the point where I had to write about it. It’s always a good reminder for myself too!